Changes.

I came into Tijuana with no expectations, but with the intentions of obeying God and learning more about Him. Whoa, did I not know what was about to come my way...

Never having been here before, I was smacked with the reality of the way I was living my life. Selfishly is the only way I can describe it. My first week here we had a week long group, which meant we had speakers everyday. Now I knew about missionaries, but to hear directly from them and really listen to their experiences and things that they had to give up really changed my views.

I arrived with the intentions of obeying God and coming to see what He had to teach me for the summer, and returning to school in the fall. Though, He quickly began to work in my heart. I struggled with the idea of dropping out of school and giving Him all of my reliance. I knew that school was the one thing I was holding onto; that my future was what I was so worried about. Matthew 6:33-34 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” To be living for God and like God, I had to relinquish the grip I had on controlling my future. It took a month of prayer and conversations to make the decision to take a break and not return to school in the fall. I knew in my heart that it was not where I was supposed to be, as much as I wanted to be there for people or enjoyment or pride, I had to find direction and discernment in where I am to go to serve God. The more I was to dig myself into debt, the harder it would to ever get out and to be fully usable by God. This does not mean that I will not return to school, but that I need time to refocus my attention and figure out my motives.

By relinquishing control of my future, I began to pray for God’s will, as well as open doors in whether to stay in Mexico or to return back to Michigan. It took months of discerning whether my wants to stay relied on myself or on God. I officially decided quite recently to extend my stay here in Mexico based on the things I've been learning and the ways I believe God will continue to reveal Himself to me here. God’s heartbeat for the world is what I have been learning the most; that the gospel would be brought to all the nations. With that knowing that there are 4 billion people who have not heard the gospel and do not have access. They are called the unreached. At first when I got here, it didn't really hit me that these people have no chance for salvation and that they are dying daily. Now I see that without people going to them, they may never know and will continue to burn in hell. How tough of a thought is that? But it is a reality. This past week a speaker was talking about a girl whom he had met that said " I am saved and I know that I will be going to heaven, therefore I don't need to preach the gospel." This was my past attitude. This hit me like a brick wall. I was being so selfish. I still am. But these people need God and God wants to use me to get to them. Do I know what that really looks like for me in my future? No, not currently, but it is something that I know He will continue to put on my heart and reveal to me through the word and time spent here in Mexico. I know God has control and that is really all that matters. So family and friends, my plans have definitely changed, but I know that they are right. 

To give ya'll a quick overview of what goes on down here:

Caravan is not a house building ministry. I am not here to build houses for families in need (though that is extremely important). It is a ministry that mobilizes believers to go out into the missions field. It is a place of spiritual growth and dependence on God. The three postures are to have your eyes lifted, hands open, and knees bent in full surrender to God. 

Over the summer, there are groups here pretty much every week. This means that a group of 20-100 people arrive on Sunday and we spend most of our time with them building houses, going to dinner, going to orphanages, and having conversations until Saturday. Then we do it all over again. We wake up at 6:30, have meetings at 8, out on the build sites at about 10:30 and back before 5 most days. The days are long, but extremely rewarding. On Wednesdays we have staff meetings. They are a great time to rejuvenate and really be back together in unity. Every week we memorize verses ( currently working on Philippians 2) and have a discipline. They have been really challenging in knowing that discipline is key, but also having the want and drive to be doing everything for the right motives. 

With the giant time zone difference, it is really hard to keep in contact with everybody and we have limits on phone use and internet use. So very sorry for anyone who I have been terrible in keeping contact with. I am going to try and work hard on updating my blog from now on and you can always know that I am on here and you can comment and that I am thinking about many of you always. Also letters are always welcome, my friends :) 

If anyone has a chance, prayers are always welcome! 

You can pray for desire and discipline to be in the word and to have right motives in all that I do. Prayer to be more intentional in learning the language and diving into the culture here. Prayer for my time here with staff and groups to be intentional and to have boldness to ask the tough questions. Prayers for strength and peace in what is to come in the future. 

I love you all to the moon and back! 

Mt. Abejas with  my wonderful Caravan family!

Group hug on our last night all together.